Broken Dreams

Note: This is our blog's very first guest post. If you would like to submit an article for us to consider, please email us here. ~ Writers of Elysian ___________________________________________________________
A few years ago I excitedly told someone about my goal of becoming a published author. I valued his opinion, but he responded by saying, "That's nice, but it'll probably never happen," and then walked away. I was heartbroken. I wasn't a five-year-old saying I wanted to be a firefighter when I grew up; I was a young adult saying this is what I've chosen to pursue in life. 
So what do you do when your family and friends question your career choice, or tell you it's not possible? I started by praying.

At that time my younger sister had been sick for almost a year. She had to get better soon, and then my crisis mode would end, right? Then everyone would see that I was made to write. Except my sister was sick for more than two years after that. My life was in chaos, and time to write was nonexistent. So I prayed and prayed. Questions and doubts reigned in my mind. Was this a sign that I wasn’t meant to write? Was he right? Was this nothing more than a silly girl’s dream? Wasn’t there a purpose to my passion?
After praying for some time, I just couldn’t give up. I may not have had time to write, but I had plenty of time to think. I carefully thought through every story idea and did my best to come up with a solid plot. It got to the point that I couldn’t remember them all. I then got a binder and filled it with notebook paper covered in story ideas. I collected books and curriculum to help improve my writing. After all that, I still didn’t have any time to write.
I was so discouraged, but I couldn’t give up. I prayed some more. I talked to mentors and friends, asking for their advice. One of the things they suggested was reading. I had barely read anything in the last two years, but that was something I could squeeze into my schedule here and there. Hence, I started reading. I studied authors’ style and word choices and tucked them away in my mind for the future.
Still I had no time to write. My heart broke from deep within. At a last I had reached the end of my mental rope. I cried out to God, “If this passion within me is from you, then please let it flourish. But if it’s not, then take it away. Take it all away! I can’t bear this one more day.”
The next day I heard a message that I’ll never forget. My little brother was getting into our glass jars, but instead of just telling him no like usual, I knelt down and talked to him. I said, “You’re not going to understand why I have to take this away, but believe me, I’m doing it to protect you. If one of those jars broke, you would hurt yourself. I’m trying to keep you safe.” With that I put the jar back in the drawer and went back to my chores.
Suddenly, I froze. It was as if God Himself was asking me, “Do you get it now? You aren’t going to understand why I have to take away your writing, but I’m doing it to protect you. If I let you have it, it would break and you would get hurt. I’m sorry. I do love you. This is for the best.” I could barely stand as tears flooded my eyes. I had received my answer. I still desperately wanted to write, but in that moment God’s peace filled my heart.
In August of 2016, my sister was finally healed, and I was slowly given my time back. The first thing I did was grab a pencil and write. I wrote and wrote until I held chapter one of my first novel in my hands. Then I cried. A part of me was being restored to new life.
As I write this, my first novel is nearing completion. And do you know what? God was right. If I had wrote earlier, my writing would have broken. I spent three years learning everything I could about writing, building a collection of story ideas, and studying authors’ styles. Could it be, through all those years I spent crying over my writing, God was really preparing me for this time? Back then, all I had was a broken dream. Now I have the means to achieve it. Yes, I cried over the years I was unable to write, but it has been restored to me. Now I can’t stop writing. I won’t stop writing. Writing is too much a part of me. I thank God everyday for restoring my time to write. Even if I never get a book published, I will write for as long as I have breath. My broken dream is being restored. My once broken heart is being mended.
Do you have a dream that’s broken? A passion that overflows from within you? Please pray very hard and long about it! If you still feel called to it after praying, pursue it. If it’s not meant to be, the doors will close. Sometimes we have to step out in faith to know for sure. I’m sorry to say that at times you may also come to the point where your dream is distracting you from the task at hand. You may have to ask God to take it away. Again, please pray carefully and wait patiently for His response. I know it’s hard.
If you have any other comments, please note them below. Also, if you need prayer, I’m happy to pray for you!

All is Grace, Esther Noe
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About the Author:

Esther Noe is a fun loving young adult from Minnesota. She has been writing since she was eight-years-old, though her stories started long before that. Being part of a family of eight kids has given Esther the opportunity to learn a lot about different personality types. You may even find her siblings or parents sneaking into her characters. When not writing, Esther enjoys reading, listening to music, playing the guitar, crafts, baking, participating in Bible studies, and spending time with family and friends. She is also a ballet instructor for a local home school organization and loves to worship God through dance.

4 comments:

  1. Thank you so much for sharing your heart. This is amazing ~ Karissa

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  2. This is beautiful Ms. Noe! All is truly Grace...
    C.g.K.

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  3. Esther, thank you for sharing so beautifully the journey God has led you through. The spaces between ASK and RECEIVE are often the most meaningful in life. This was a blessing and very timely for me. Thank you! - Kelsey Privett

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